So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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