Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
