Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ugly people sure do ruin things
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
