btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
