guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
