You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
