I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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