matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
