p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
