apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
