oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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