i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
