so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
