If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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