She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
whose parrot is this?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
