dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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