I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
there is glitter all over my balls
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
