Who wears a wallet chain?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
