I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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