I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
