is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
