i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
