it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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