I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
