What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
