Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
