This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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