Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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