note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just forgot I was standing up.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
