If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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