This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
