I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I AM VODKA MAN
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
