it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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