you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
