I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
