just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
