21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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