Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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