3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
