wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
