Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
