i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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