Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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