So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
