Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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