anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
