Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
