soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
