I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
