I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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