so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Will exercising make me less horny?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
