Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
