I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
